I'm Here: A Reddie Story
by Amour2483
Summary: Richie hasn't done anything about the fact that he is into his best friend because he hasn't truly accepted it. Eddie has slowly come into his own understand of how much his best friend means to him. As their stories are completely interwoven, will these two finally admit their love for each other before the horrors of their town prevent them from being together? (Reddie)
1. Chapter 1

Hey everyone! It's Amour2483 with a new story for you. Everyone who saw It Chapter Two learned that Richie was a part LGBTQ+ family. I have recently been really interested in writing about Reddie (Richie and Eddie), so I decided to create this fanfiction! This is happening mostly during the child portion of their stories, but some topics may mirror the book by reaching out of their age group to handle a heavy topic. Throughout the story, I used swear words to remain true to the characters from the movies I was trying to capture so that explains the rating. I also wanted to note that most events I will be writing about are altered or completely fabricated for this story. I wrote it without a clear perspective in mind (it will be very clear who the story is following). Many of the styles I used were based off of my favorite fanfic writers and authors. With all of that out of the way, I hope you enjoy _I'm Here: A Reddie Story._

~As a disclaimer, I do not own It, It Chapter One, or It Chapter Two~

**Chapter One**

Ever since I was little, I knew I wasn't quite interested in girls. They smelled good, even after a long day at school. They had pretty voices when they spoke and sang. Even though they were smarter and had better style, I didn't understand why all the boys around me were talking about their first kiss with a girl. I wasn't too much older than seven when it first came to me that I wanted to kiss too. I remember that I tried to kiss my neighbor's daughter, who was ten at the time. She was very funny, so I always enjoyed hanging out with her. I figured, 'Why not her? She wouldn't mind; maybe, she'd like it too.'

I went to do it one day in the spring, right after it had thawed out from the last snow of winter. My blue rain boots were left in the doorway as her mom told her to come down to see me. When I saw her wearing shorts for the first time that year, I thought to myself, 'I guess that's why Dad complements Mom's shorts; he wants to get kisses.'

"Hey Richie, let's head upstairs and I'll show you my new joke book!"

I followed her, but I saw that her room had changed over the two weeks since I'd seen her. She seemed to have a blank, neutral room. I felt like now was my last chance all of a sudden, so I worked up the courage as she went to grab some comedy and joke books from her desk.

"So let me talk about this one Egyptian guy I met over the break. He was standing outside a gift shop selling really expensive items. I turned to show him a soap pyramid and said, "What kind of pyramid scheme are you running here?! This right here, this is dirty business!"

She started laughing as she sat down next to me, but I only focused on her lips. As she stopped laughing, I went for it, pressing my lips hard against hers. She let me do it without resisting, but when I pulled away she looked deep into my eyes.

"I know you too well so I let you kiss me, but I know that you can feel now that you didn't enjoy that. We're both too young to tell people stuff like that, but I know that you'll find out for yourself someday. Just be careful who learns of it around here. Anyway, I need to say that my family and I are moving in two weeks. I'm gonna miss you, but after all of that, I'm guessing I won't see you again before I leave. Oh, Richie, by the way, you realize you don't have to like girls."

She took my arm; gently led me to the door; saw me put on my wet boots; and closed the door behind me, but she spoke one last time before I walked out into the snow, questioning myself and what she really meant.

"Bye-bye, Richie. I hope you find a nice boy to hang out with once I leave."

She closed the door on me after that, but I went ahead and told her my opinion anyway.

"I already know a nice boy who is my friend. He would have liked a kiss, but I'll kiss any girl I want with him. We can share all kinds of kisses with each other and girls."

* * *

"Hey Eds, hurry up man! I got things to show you before tomorrow, you old geezer!"

_Will he really like it? I mean, he hates getting dirty so I thought it would be a nice gift, but is it really this important to drag him away from his favorite show? Ahh, I need him to like this...I spent half of my allowance on it. _

"Beep beep, Richie. There are all kinds of bugs in these woods and I do not want to get stung or bitten. There are all kinds of deadly, poisonous insects."

"Eddie, you complain more like a girl than Beverly does. Clubhouse isn't getting safer as you whine about your broken nails, so honey, let's hustle!"

"Screw off, Trashmouth."

I laughed as he trudged along behind me towards the dirt hole with wooden beams called the Clubhouse that we hung out in. I made it there first, so I went down the rungs of the ladder to find the Clubhouse empty, except for me.

_Yes, now the surprise is extra special; maybe, we can hang out and enjoy this if he doesn't value his weird show more than it._

"Alright, Eddie-spaghetti! I now reveal to you, my extra amazing, top-secret gift."

Eddie was climbing down when I said that, but he hit the ground, turning to face my open arms to create drama.

"Richie...you got a brown hammock?"

"Yep. I got new, clean sheets and made a hammock because you said you hated the dirt floors that got you in trouble at home for being dusty. Now you can read comics here without worrying about getting in trouble with your psycho mother."

He stared at it for a moment. Without speaking for a full minute, he went over to it, felt the fabric, and put some weight down to see if the hammock would hold. I wanted to crack a joke like, 'What, did you think it would fall? Me and your mom tested it, so no worries, Eds,' but I couldn't bring myself to speak.

_I really should've known he'd hate it. Now I'm out of some of my money and this dumb thing will go to waste._

I prepared myself to cover up my disappointment with jokes, but I didn't have to after all. He finally turned to face me, which is when he took a deep breath.

"Richie, I really do appreciate this, thanks."

I couldn't believe that he was seriously thankful for it after such a critical examination of it. Either way, I tried to hide my giddy joy over his appreciation by turning away.

"Yeah, whatever, Eds. It's for the Clubhouse as a whole. Stan and you are such mommies that I figured I might as well keep you from complaining all the time."

I turned back around to find that Eddie had taken his shoes off, sat down in the hammock, and was watching me with a serious expression.

"Beep beep, Richie. You're ruining the hammock when I haven't even been in it long. You wanna read comics in it with me? I missed my show by now, so I'll have to watch reruns; they don't start until five though."

_Sitting in a hammock with you while you scan through a colorful superhero comic? _

"Sure thing, Eddie-spaghetti, just scoot over so I can get in with you."

Eddie looked like he was about to protest as I lost my shoes and slid into the hammock with him, but he chose not to speak instead. He simply reached for a Spiderman comic and started to read. He did say one thing as I got comfortable and watched him read for a second.

"Richie, don't call me Eddie-spaghetti. Don't call me Eds either."

I just smiled, but I didn't agree or dispute that fact so I could hold true that I never gave up my funny names for him ever.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two **

Richie was my best friend, but sometimes I couldn't understand what he was thinking. He had messy hair, wore weird clothes, and had smudges on his glasses all the time. I wore tidy polos, combed my hair carefully, and never let anything interfere with my vision or breathing. Except my asthma, but that was never my choice. Still, we were really close, which meant nearly everything was shared between us when we hung out. That's the way it had been ever since we first met.

I was late on my first day of kindergarten because my mother refused to let me leave when my inhaler was lost. She figured I would die, but I managed to find it and convince her to let me out of the house. I thought it was like a real garden, where you go and play around with other kids, but I saw as I walked up to the school building that it was more like another prison away from home for me.

The teacher was still doing introductions, but the principal felt the need to publicly embarrass me by having me do mine right as I walked in, inhaler in hand. She asked me to say my name, age, and something that made me excited about school. I said my name, age, and then that my mother wasn't there with me. The entire class looked sad, like little children are when you say, 'no candy,' or, 'you can't have that toy,' but Richie laughed. After I introduced myself and was about to sit down, he stood right up and boomed out his information.

"I'm Richie Tozier. I am five years old. I think that kid's funny and I like being funny too, which is cool."

It definitely made me feel weird at the time, but somehow I figured he was the coolest one I had listened to so far. The rest of our class did their introduction chats without anyone else being cool like Richie was. The teacher told us to go to our seats then, but I had no idea what that meant. I just stood in the back of the room until everyone else had taken a seat; she gave me a sad smile and started to scan around the room.

"Hmm, you can sit...over there."

She pointed to a seat by a little girl in the front row. I went to sit down quietly, but I heard a voice scream out from right in front of me.

"Can he sit next to me instead? A girl won't want to sit by a boy, but boys are friends with each other."

The voice, of course, because who else would be so bold at five years old, was Richie. I didn't even wait for her response, I just sat down quickly, hoping she would agree to it. She suddenly lost the hint of pity in her smile and nodded, turning to the board to show us a 'school is cool' propaganda video. I turned to Richie, who turned to me and said his first stupid thing to me that would define years of my life to come.

"So, are you late because of your bent kazoo?"

Sometimes, I wonder if it was really worth it to sit next to such a talkative, strange classmate that day, but since we have each other's backs to this day, I guess that is a 'yes.'

* * *

One early morning during the summer, Richie called my home phone to see if I could come to the Clubhouse with him. I told him I couldn't because my mom wanted to go get new shoes for me. He sounded really depressed and lonely over the phone for a moment, but instantly played it off by joking about my mom. He told me to have fun and kiss my mom for him, but that one moment wouldn't leave my mind all day. I was trying on a pair of basic red sneakers as my mother hovered way too close for my age as I saw a Hawaiian shirt out of the corner of my eye.

_Richie! Why would he be here too? Did he want to hang out that bad?_

In a rush to see if it was him, I stood up with both shoes untied. I went to take a step but tripped almost instantly, pinwheeling to catch my balance before I fell face-forwards.

"Edward Kaspbrak! Be careful! Tie your shoes all the way before you walk in them or you could break your neck. What if your face touches the floor and you get very sick!?"  
"Sorry, mother."

I wasn't sorry about the laces. I was sorry that I had gotten so worked up only to discover it was some adult guy I didn't even know wearing the white floral shirt I associated with Richie.

_I wonder if he's okay being alone. Bowers' gang could be anywhere and he's all alone. Maybe the other Losers are with him. Ah, right, laces. I can't make her worry about me or she'll never let me go out with them tomorrow. _

I sat back down, tying the laces in a careful and particular way, but my mind wasn't on the perfect bunny ears.

_Does he have red sneakers? Would he make jokes about them, or would he give me a real compliment on these? Ah, whatever, I'll buy what I need and move on. What makes me think about that crude comedian's opinion so much? _


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

_Hmm, Eddie-spaghetti's busy today. I guess I'll go to the theater and play Street Fighter, or maybe I'll sit in the hammock and read comics. Ugh, he's so boring. I've got some change, so Street Fighter it is. _

I left my house without even telling my parents, because I know they never care where I am or what I'm doing out all day. I biked towards the Paramount theater, but the whole time I played and even on my way home, I was really distracted with my thoughts of Eddie.

_He's no fun. I wish his mom wasn't so overbearing and particular about his health. I hate going places without someone to goof around with. WOAH, I almost hit that rock! Geez, Eds, even when you aren't here you fill my head with more nonsense that it already had! Why in the world do I even let your presence into my mind? What makes you so special to m…._

I suddenly felt my handlebars slip from my hands. I tumbled hard and fast over the edge of the hill I was biking on. I landed right on the edge of a stream that led from a medium sized drain pipe. Suddenly, in an almost devastating wave, I felt tense and cold.

_I'm not alone here. Something saw that crash and is stalking me now. What is making it so...eerie and...dreadful._

Suddenly I heard this sound that seemed familiar but not quite...right. It seemed to come from the pipe.

_That can't be what I think it is. He wouldn't dare enter that thing alone._

I slowly walked into the stream, letting my red sneakers get destroyed by the sewer water that was draining out in a disgusting, chunky way. I looked into the pipe with disbelief.

_What is this...why? How? _

Eddie was standing in the pipe. He had his fanny pack, a polo, khaki shorts, everything told me it was him in there. I didn't move or speak, but he must have heard me walking in the water. He looked at me, smiling in an abnormal, crooked way.

"Hey Richie. Come over here. I finished what I was doing with my mom, so we should have fun in the sewers!"

I moved a step or two forwards, but then I realized something that made me freeze in panic.

"Eds, your fanny pack is red. You only own a black one and a blue one."

"Richie, stop being a wimp and get over here! Don't you want to have fun together?"

_Eddie usually doesn't interrupt me like that. He hates sewers and filth too, so why would he be so happy about one today? Something's wrong with him._

"Eddie-spaghetti, can...let's go somewhere else to have fun. I've run out of coins for the arcade, but we can bike to the Clubhouse?"

"Richie, you don't want to leave me here alone. You just want to be alone together."

He started to turn and move towards me, but his strange, segmented motions were not similar to his normal walk. I started to back up, making sure my steps were careful, but large enough to get away from him.

"Richie, I'm always on your mind, so why don't we have _fun_ here! Unless...you're afraid."

"Stop, Eds. I don't like the way you're acting. It's...not like you."

"Richie, are you saying you don't like me how I am?! I know you like me. I know it! I know your feelings! I know your dirty little secret! YOU LOVE ME, RICHIE!"  
Suddenly, Eddie wasn't him anymore. His eyes turned a nasty yellow color as his hands grew into claws. His entire face became long and was covered in a blush color. I ran as fast as I could, I left my bike where it was as I desperately pulled myself back up the hill.

"RICHIE, SAY YOU LOVE ME. SAY IT, SAY IT, SAY IT!"

I felt that monster get closer and closer to me. Right as I was about to pull myself up over the hill, a claw ripped into my leg. I screamed out in burning pain, but I managed to yank myself over the edge of the hill. I kept my body moving as blood leaked from the gash in my leg, creating a smear behind me that the creature decided to lick off the ground. I crawled and dragged myself across the pavement trying to reach something to use to stand up. My arms gave out for a moment as a rock stab part of my face.

_AHH, THIS IS BAD. THIS...THIS...THIS THING WILL KILL ME IF I DON'T MOVE! DAMN IT LEGS MOVE FASTER!_

I tried to pull myself onto my legs to run away. My weight became unbalanced and I fell, slamming my head into a brick building. A sharp, pounding pain came from my lip; I noticed I had busted it open.

_THIS ISN'T REAL! IT'S NOT EDS! IT CAN'T DO ANYTHING TO ME!  
_I turned to see where my attacker had gone, but that's when I saw that creature was standing in the middle of the street, laughing at me. Now it looked like a circus clown with red balloons.

"Richie...you can love me too...you just have to float!"

I tried to clean my glasses quickly, but my glasses were cracked in the center of the frame. When my eyes focused out again, the sun almost fully set. I tried desperately to catch my breath and stop my leg from spilling warm Kool-aid, but it didn't work. I also tried to block my mortified thoughts from corrupting my strongest friendship: it didn't work.

_I need help...but...how do I face him?I actually...love him? She was right all those years ago…? Am I...I'm...gay. _

* * *

I was getting ready for bed by drinking a glass of water with my medicines when the phone scared me senseless. I answered it, but that was only after a moment of catching my breath.

"Kaspbrak residence. This is Eddie speaking. Can I help you?"

"H-hey, Eds. It's Richie. I ne-need to see you now. Can you meet me outside your house in a-ah-a few minutes?"

_He has never sounded so serious and it's terrifying. Even when the Losers talk about awful things, he makes jokes, but this side of him never appears. I didn't even know his voice could drop so low and seem so fragile. I'm the weakling, but this makes me scared for him. Ah, but I would be in so much trouble for leaving this late! Mother would kill me...but he seems to need me…_

"Okay, I'll be at the end of my street in four minutes."

Richie hung up quickly, so I ran upstairs to put on clothes and go out to meet him.

_How do I explain to my mom without upsetting her, getting in trouble, or lying too much where I don't remember all the details?_

"EDWARD, DO NOT RUN ON THE STAIRS FOR THE LAST TIME."  
I slowed down, but I still was in a mad rush to clothe myself as I entered my room. I grabbed my fanny pack, filled it with supplies we may need, and decided not to tell her, but to sneak out. I went down our stairs in complete silence, after cutting on my fan to mask my sounds. I called goodnight from my room as well so she believed I was in bed.

_She never checks carefully and her eyesight isn't great in the dark, so she'll never know. Well, I should hurry back just in case._

I slipped out our front door and ran off into the night. I wasn't fast because of my lungs being so weak from asthma, but I found Richie, head in his lap, leaning on the stop sign on the corner of my street.

"Richie? Woah, Richie, what happened?!"

He was bleeding from a busted lip, cut on his forehead, and a large slit on his leg was starting to turn dark red. He looked up at me, tears freely flowing from his dark, pained eyes.

"I...I was just walking along when...Henry Bowers came up out of nowhere. He had a new kn-knife. I couldn't help but talk because I'm really...stu-stupid. I think he got me worse than he got Ben. His eyes, Eddie. They were almost glowing with hate an-and…just evil. It hu-hurts a lot."

I quickly got down next to Richie, pulling out the medical supplies I kept in my pack.

"It's okay, Richie. I'm here and I can fix the cuts. After I clean and bandage these, you can come into my house for the night."

Richie just looked up at my face. He didn't say anything, which made me so devastated to see his silent tears pass over his dirty, bloody cheeks.

_Richie 'Trashmouth' Tozier always has something to say. How can one encounter with the bully he faces all the time change him so much? He is so beaten up that it's hard to believe this is Bowers's work. I definitely can't fix him with just the stuff I have here. _

He didn't speak for a few more seconds, so I started to get concerned that he had a concussion or an emotional injury I didn't know about. I leaned down closer to examine the cut on his face.

"Richie, are you…?"

He pulled me into a hug, getting extremely close to my face and he just started sobbing. I was stunned for a few seconds, but I heard his ragged breathing and felt his huge tears on my neck. I felt tears well up in my own eyes, but I had no idea why he was crying so seriously.

_Oh Richie, don't cry! It's okay now, I'm here for you. I shouldn't have bothered with shoes. I wish...if I had been with you maybe...but now, I'll make it better…I'll...I'll..._

No words could escape my mind in that moment. I just hugged him back harder. I got down right next to him and let his pain sink into my small chest, going straight into my heart. I had no idea why his sorrow felt personal to me as well, but our hug seemed to calm down his pained feelings.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

"We have to sneak in, but my mom will be asleep so as long as we're quiet, everything should be easy-peasy. You sure you can walk on your own, Richie?"

I nodded, but I knew I wasn't fine. Not even close to being okay. My entire head was just an echo of the horrible words that thing had pierced my soul with.

"_I know your dirty little secret! You love me, Richie! Say it! Say it! Say it!"_

"Richie, we should get inside so I can clean your leg wound. You're getting too pale. Let me see if you have a fever."

Eddie went to touch my forehead but violent blushing on my face made me quickly move to block his small, soft hand from my face.

_I already went too far by hugging you, crying into your neck, and thinking about how much I care for you while sobbing, so I can't do anymore physical contact for a while. I'll have to fix myself if I continue to think this way._

I wasn't prepared for his other hand, however, so he managed to gently place the back of his hand right about my cut.

"Ouch! Eds, you're making the cut sting!"

"I need to know how bad it is. I hate this method too, but at least hold still for a few seconds so I get accurate results!"

The cut was not why I didn't want him to touch me; it was my own insecure mind. He only continued to test me for a high temperature in the way a mother would. He suddenly frowned, which made me sorry I had lied about who hurt me and for calling him here to fix my sad self.

"Richie! You've got a fever. Time to go get all kinds of sterilized bandages and medical supplies so we make you better!"

He took my wrist, which is when I felt really desperate to get away and not reveal my hidden feelings. I twisted my arm to try and make him let go, but he stopped on a dime and turned to face me.

"Richie, why are you fighting me? You need help. You called me to that sign to make you feel better, so can you make like the sign and stop resisting."

_That was a good word play. I can't believe I'm acting like this. I need you, Eds, but I'm too scared to let you know how I need you. Can you stand me like this; an indecisive, lonely child?_

"I'm...sorry, Eddie."

"Don't worry about it. Just keep moving so we can get inside. I don't think I can carry you if you pass out."

He helped me sneak in without leaving a bloody trail as we climbed the stairs and walked into his bedroom. I had been there before, but suddenly, I felt like I was a parasite in his safe, secluded environment. He made me sit on the floor and motioned for me to remain quiet, while he snuck to the bathroom to get more to fix my leg with. I looked around, but my eyes landed on a picture of us with Bill and Stan from two years back.

We had just met Stan a week before that picture. He looked uncomfortable, because me and Eddie were both making silly faces. He only smiled; same thing for Bill. We were wearing costumes from a school play. Our hilarious actions brought tears to my red, irritated eyes again.

_What if I say something? Do I risk losing opportunities to make more memories like that one? Or, do I let my mind keep ruining moments in the present? I can keep being me. I don't have to admit anything. If I never talk, he'll always be by my side and we can keep making memories. That's it, I'll just smooth things over after tonight and pretend I never met the stupid monster._

"Hey, Richie, I've got all the needed tools to fix you, but you're going to have to be quiet, no matter how much it burns. It might be hard, so hold something."

"Okay, you got anything I can hold?"

"Hmm...here, it's a stuffed bear."

I laughed as silently as I could, but Eddie never changed his expression. He remained focused and unphased.

_Well, Dr. Kaspbrak, I'd love for you to fix me up...no. Stop it. He's going to make this damn pain fade then I'm going to sneak out tomorrow morning and pretend I'm fine forever._

"Richie, don't act brave. Hug Mr. Menthol and sit still. I'll try to work quickly, but I don't want to have you get infected so don't rush me or ask how long it will take. Ready?"

_Suddenly, I'm a little intimidated and I'm not so sure._

"I guess so?"

He started pouring hydrogen peroxide on my leg. It caused a severe burning sensation to occur. I pulled the bear in tight and clenched my jaw, trying not to curse or scream out in pain.

_Holy shit! OWWWW!  
_"Okay, I'm done with that part. I think...you're gonna need stitches for the leg wound."

"Eds, you're kidding me right?"

He looked nervous, but he shook his head 'no.'

_This is about to hurt like a…._

Before I could even finish that idea, pain swept my body as he punctured my leg with a threaded needle.

"FUCK! Eds! Do you have any pain medicine?!"  
His eyes came up from the wound and locked with me.

_You damn fool, Eddie, you forgot to give me pain meds before you put a needle in my leg?!_

"Shit...Richie, I'm so sorry. You're upset, you're bleeding, and I'm the one who's so worried about hurting you more that I forgot to give you anything for pain. God, I'm so damn dumb!"

"No. You're perfect and you're helping me plenty, Eds...but I would like it if you could grab some water and ibuprofen for me?"

_Too much. Bottle up the feelings, let him fix you, and then leave! Follow the plan! "Say it. Say it. Say it!" Stop thinking about that. _

"Okay, I'll be right back."

He quickly snuck off, but his mother heard him coming back up the stairs, because I heard her call out to him.

"Edward, what are you doing up?"  
"I was parched, so I came to get a glass of water. I'm going back to bed now, so goodnight!"

"Get at least eight hours of sleep, Edward. You need it to stay healthy and grow more."

"Yes, mother. I will."

He came back into the room in a hurry, closing his door behind him slowly. He came over and put the three small pills in my open hand. He passed me the glass of water, which caused a little trouble because I really didn't want to touch his hand. I took the painkillers and felt a little bit of relief from the uneven stinging that infected me. His tension seemed to grow worse. He started the stitches again, which caused me to flinch away a little.

_Eds, you should really warn people before you pull a metal demon through their bare flesh! You're a monster, Dr. K!_

"Richie, you can't keep moving! Hold still and trust me, okay?"  
_Hold still? Yeah, you try getting stitches. Trust you? Yeah, I always do idiot._

He managed to finish a few more laces of string, but I couldn't take it any longer. His hand shot off the string and landed on my upper thigh.

"Richie, you always tell me to be braver and stronger, so can you stop being a hypocrite? It hurts you more and takes me longer when you move."  
My heart thumped really hard. His hand stayed put as he returned to fixing my massive cut.

_If his hand moves a few inches to his left, I am going to have to jump out of a window and run away from Derry. It still burns like hell, but his supporting touch...ughhh, bottling is so fucking hard!_

"Alright, Richie, this is the last part...pulling the flesh back together."

"Eddie-spaghetti, please warn me before you do it."

He paused to take a deep breath, wiped his stained hands on a cloth he had, and then looked up into my wide eyes.

"Richie, I'm about to pull your flesh taunt and close the wound. Three...two...one!"  
He pulled the strings in a quick but steady move. My muscles moved before my mind and heart could stop them; I grabbed his arm and squeezed as I threw the bear across the floor. He tied them, cut the excess, and then put down the extra and the small scissors he was holding. My hand was still on his arm, but he crawled closer to my face.

"Richie, you fucking survived! So, do you think you can loosen your grip on my arm?"

"Oh, yeah. Eddie?"

He turned his head to face mine after wiping his forehead.

"You've got my blood on your forehead."

Eddie's fear of nasty things and sickness must have been busy, but it returned with a frightening vengeance.

"Ew, fuck. Get it off of me now."

_Too damn brave. Too sweet and compassionate. Too fucking good for a trashmouth like me._

"Richie. Get. It. Off. Of. Me. Now."  
I couldn't help but laugh, even if it made me wince a little bit because the wound on my lip suddenly bled a little more.

"Okay okay! Only after you bandage the leg and face. I'm afraid the lip is out of your consent, Eds."

He smiled meekly, but scooted back over to my leg and started to wrap it while putting on neosporin gel.

_I want to tell him he's special. He's worth more than most of the assholes in this town. I wish I could say his smile is only for me. But for now, I guess this is enough for the queer mind I've got._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

I pretended to not pay him much attention, but I was actually watching Richie like a hawk.

_If his stitches don't hold, he could bled out more than I can fix here. Can I even get him to a hospital without getting in trouble or being attacked by my mother? He might have a fever or infection even. Why didn't you just shut up, Richie? You knew Bowers would mess you up, but whatever you said...you must have really pissed him off. I can't let you go anywhere alone until that leg heals completely. He's probably gonna have a scar or two._

I noticed that he had fallen asleep in my bed as I finished cleaning up the bloody mess of cotton and bandage. I had a small trash can in my room that I had already filled, but I used the trash to hide the evidence that there was blood in my room at all.

_You better be sorry once you've healed, Richie, because you owe me for touching unsanitary junk with my bare hands! I used all my latex gloves on you, so you owe me for having to replace them before my mother finds out. Of course, if she learns you're sleeping in my bed...no, she won't. I hate to, but I'll have to keep you here until she leaves for work tomorrow. _

I put the lid back on the can quietly, happy to see that it looked normal and my room didn't have large burgundy stains everywhere.

_I'm so exhausted, but he's right there covering the whole mattress. I guess I can gently move him further into the bed? I don't want to wake him up though…_

I used a careful trick I had learned at the hospital from a nice nurse on how to move someone using a blanket without disturbing them much. I maneuvered him, trying to breathe as silently as possible. I finished by rolling the blanket over to the other side of the bed, but he didn't react.

_Now I can sleep too. Sleep tight, Richie. If you wake up and need me, I'm right here._

I didn't know why, but as I reached out to touch his peaceful face while I wished him good dreams. I managed to snap back into reality right before I did though.

_Lay down, creeper! What the heck is wrong with me?! Anyway, I have to get to sleep so I can wake up and warn him about the plan to get him out of here without causing a meltdown for my mother. _

Next thing I knew, I opened my eyes to see the sunlight outside my curtains. I turned over to see that Richie was smiling at me.

"Good morning, Eddie-spaghetti. How'd you sleep?"

"Pretty nicely except for the fact you were here too. Be more careful around Bowers, Richie. If you make him angry enough to do this again...he could…"

"Woah, Eddie, baby, don't get too choked up about me! I've already died."

I didn't have time to blink before dark, black blood started spilling from his mouth. I jumped out of the bed, throwing the blanket back behind me. His eyes leaked a bloody stream and were a glowing yellow.

"Eddie, I thought you cared about me?! How could you let me die!?"

"N-no...no. Y-you were f-f-fine when I went to sleep!"

Richie reached out to grab me by shoulders, but I dodged him only to stumble over his leg all swollen up and laying on the floor.

_Oh my fucking god, NO! THIS CAN'T HAPPEN TO HIM! _

On the leg, there were words carved in the flesh.

'_Thinking of me now, Eds?!'_

I jolted upright in my bed, still trying to escape from the dying Richie, when I realized it was a dream. I saw no light in my window and Richie was sitting up in a hurry.

"Hey, Eddie-spaghetti, what's happening?"

I didn't hesitate this time before I grabbed his face and looked into his drowsy eyes. Once my other hand cupped his other cheek, his eyes widened and all his tiredness seemed to melt away from him.

"Woah, Eddie, what are you doing?"

"Are you okay, Richie? Do you feel any pain in your leg? Is it swollen? Let me look. Now, Richie, quicker!"

He seemed terrified of me as I tried to grab his pants and lift them up to check his wound. I sighed in pure relief as I saw that his leg was actually looking better. Richie seemed really disturbed, but I could only think about how I felt.

_You're okay. He's getting better. We're here together. Everything is perfectly fine._

When I finally released his pants and let him fix the blanket, I noticed blush was on his cheeks. I felt my own face heat up, but I quickly told myself it was just from the nightmare.

_That's why he's blushing. He doesn't understand why I basically attacked him, so he's just flustered. That, or I gave him a little accidental reminder of his trauma from Bowers. Oh shit, I've got to explain to make him feel better._

"Richie, I had a seriously realistic nightmare. You were there next to me, smiling, then you were bleeding out from your eyes and mouth. I saw your leg on the floor and...and...I thought I was gonna see you d-die."

Richie's blush fell away as a sickly paleness replaced it. He put a hand to his mouth, seeming to question what I told him.

"Eddie. Did you see a clown? A red-haired clown with a large head and yellow eyes?"  
"No...wait, did you say yellow eyes? The version of you that was bleeding had glowing, yellow eyes. How did you know that?"

Richie paused for a moment, but I instantly knew somehow what he was going to tell me.

"You saw a...monster, just like the one in my dream."

Richie took a slow, raspy breath as he started to shake a little bit. He went to speak, but he started to cry instead. He only nodded as he managed to look me in the eyes before breaking down completely.

_Something is trying to scare us both. It wants us to be afraid, so it can kill us._

I felt my eyes fill with tears, but before I broke down, I grabbed Richie into my arms and held him, just like I had at the stop sign earlier that night. He wrapped himself around me, and we let our tears flow silently for a few minutes, before falling asleep facing each other.

* * *

I opened my eyes slowly, as pain instantly flooded into my face and leg. I saw Eddie, sleeping with such simply tranquility, and I remembered everything then.

_He fixed me. He was attacked by the monster in his nightmare. We...slept here facing each other. I should wake him up, but I don't want to. His small, delicate features suit him when he's asleep, or maybe that's because he took my glasses off for me. Ah, checking out my best friend that I can't even really even see. Just peachy, brain, I appreciate your bullshit that consistently ruins every conversation and situation._

He must have heard me sigh while thinking, because his eyes opened. I couldn't see what he was doing, but he flipped over and got out of the bed to walk over to a desk. I saw him coming back after grabbing something. He offered me some weird black sticks; it turned out it was my glasses. I put them on, let my eyes adjust, and then looked up at him as he sat back down on the edge of the bed.

_Woah, his messy hair with pajamas…shut up, heart. We don't care. We've seen him like this before during sleepovers, so it is nothing to us._

"Richie, we should talk about everything, but my mother might wake up soon, so we have to wait until she leaves for work. I'll close the door, make sure she leaves, and then I'll come get you, okay?"

"Wait, is there any way you could get me some pain meds before you try and hide my presence?"

"Oh, yeah. Sure thing, Richie, b...uddy"

_What was he saying there at the end? That was really strange, but there is absolutely no way that was what he really meant to say. I just find it harder to believe he meant 'baby' though. Should I ask him about it? Heart, stop it! We can't blush if we want to ask him what he was going to say...and you've gone and done it. Too late, now we'll joke instead of actually talk nicely with him._

He handed me the glass of water from last night with three of the same pills. I took them quickly and drank most of the water.

"Thanks, Dr. K. Have fun with your mother, because it's my turn with her once you're done."

"Ew, beep beep, Richie. Just stay here and be quiet."

He walked towards the door, but he paused and turned back to me, causing a sudden flutter in my heart as he smirked.

"Hey, Richie?"

"Yeah, Eds?"

"You should buy some new boxers. Those pink ones are really old!"

With that, he slipped out of the door frame, pulling the door closed with him, but little did he know that he had stolen my every ounce of love and taken it with him


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

We rushed through the Barrens and into the woods by the Clubhouse, but Richie's stitches were making it really hard for him to cross some of the roots and stones.

"Richie, we can slow down. Being last isn't as bad as you bleeding profusely from a leg wound in a dirty shack."

He nodded but didn't really slow down at all. I started to yell at him to slow down again, but I suddenly had an idea. I stopped walking, pulled out my inhaler, and sat down.

_If you won't take proper care of your injuries because you're prideful and naive, then I guess I'll give myself a chance to._

Richie kept going for a moment, stopping suddenly when he realized I wasn't with him.

"Eds, where d'ya go?"

I felt a little bad when he desperately scanned around him trying to see me, so I called out to him.

"Richie. I can't find it!"

He was still concerned, but more in a confused way as I pretended to look around the ground near me.

"Can't find what?"

"My inhaler! You had to be in a hurry! Now it's gone and I can feel my mom yelling at me, and I know I'll be grounded forever, and, and…"

I trailed off and proceeded to actually harm myself by faking an asthma attack. Richie looked around in a hurry, scanning the ground with his eyes wide.

"Woah, breathe, Eds. I'm gonna find it for you just calm down, okay?"

_You're very nice, but since this act suddenly is making my chest hurt, you could be a little quicker._

I managed to get a hold of my lungs again as he found the inhaler I had planted in the grass a few feet away.

"I've got it! Here you go; take a few hits of this and you'll be good as new."

_Ha, good job, detective Tozier. Let's see you figure out that I have duped you into resting your leg?_

He sat on a stump that I had conveniently sat down next to in order to encourage him to slow down and take a break. I let my inhaler fix my asthma act; he watched carefully to ensure I could breathe clearly again.

"Richie, can we please take a break here for a minute?"

_For God's sake, Richie, if you try and move faster again, I will scream and lose my fucking mind._

He looked in the direction of the Clubhouse. He glanced over his shoulder back at me. Then he stood up and started walking.

"Eddie. Don't do that again. We have somewhere to be so let's go."

I saw him limp a little, but his insistence and hostility at my caring made me lose myself for a second as I said what I really thought aloud.

"Do you even care about yourself?"

He stopped, whirling himself around to send daggers into my heart and soul.

_What the hell was I thinking!? Why would I say that...oh, wait, maybe because he can be so sweet but as soon as the other Losers are involved, he becomes an asshole like he is right now. He's ashamed of how close we are because he isn't like me. He doesn't want more, so he jokes my feelings away, along with his, but in the meantime, he ignores the serious shit he needs to own up to. _

In the time that my brain created passionate poison he took slow, ragged steps back to me. He stopped once he was right in front of me.

"You think this is a joke? Did you almost die last night because of a real creature that tried to lure you in and kill you? I don't think so! You know, you act tough, Eddie, but I know you're not really brave. If you were, you would realize I'm not joking with the Losers; I'm facing reality and trying to get there to warn them even though my fucking leg is burning. I know you aren't brave because I have to convince you and constantly force you to be. Even then you shy away and play meek like the pitiful mouse you are, Edward!"

I felt everything I had crumble when he called me that.

_Years ago, Richie, you called me Edward at school. I got teased about having an old person name to match my personality for weeks and that was the first time my mother ever grounded me from school for more than a day. I missed a week of school, stuck in my home with my mother trying to send me to mental scans at the hospital and to see all kinds of therapists in nearby cities. The day I was allowed back to school by my mother, you had promised me that you would never call me that again unless we were enemies in war or I was dying._

Tears spilled from my eyes as he realized that he had crossed an unspeakable line we had long since left alone. I felt a deep depression and fury build up in me as he reached towards me to try and apologize.

"Eddie...I.."

"You've said enough."

I turned away from him, letting the sunlight catch my damp cheeks. The two most powerful emotions in me had cancelled out, leaving behind a void of emotion in me.

"Eds, please…"

"Leave me alone. Go to the Clubhouse. Warn them about dreams and reality. I'll come back when I'm ready to."

With that, I started walking, alone, unfeeling, and sobbing violently.

* * *

"...Edward!"  
_No. I didn't just say that! TAKE IT BACK NOW, TRASHMOUTH! You love him so you decide to ruin him because you're being too childish to admit he's got a point! Not tears! Don't cry, Eds, please! I didn't mean it! Goddamn it! Stupid, stupid, ah, I'm the biggest fucking idiot ever!  
_"Eddie...I…"

"You've said enough."

I reached for him as I spoke, but he turned away. I knew he would cry, but had no idea how to fix what I had just done. My heart started to break down as I predicted what would happen between us.

"Eds, please..."

_Ahhh! Just tell him the truth! He only did this because he cares, so if I tell him it could fix things! _

"Leave me alone. Go to the Clubhouse. Warn them about dreams and reality. I'll come back when I'm ready to."

He walked away, moving back in the direction we came from. I knew following him after what he said would be a worse choice, so I turned the other way and moved towards the Clubhouse in a rushed hobble.

_Damn leg! It's because of your shitty stitches, Eddie! It's because you're too fucking normal for me to tell you my feelings without having to accept rejection! We're still kids but you make me adult level pissed off, Eddie, because I just want you to know without knowing! Ughhh, they better all be there when I arrive. As soon as they know, we have to go find Eddie. He could get hurt bad like I am. Well, physically. Whatever that creature says can't hurt him as much as I already have. Damn it! Damn me! Tears, you need to dry up! Hobbling around the woods while sobbing is pathetic!_

I lowered myself down the ladder to the Clubhouse, which was already opened up. Everyone was in a tight circle playing cards because it was our Losers' game day. When they saw me, everyone hopped up from their milk and meat crate seats. Beverly reached me first, instantly starting a battery of questions that didn't stop for a while.

"Richie?! What happened? Why are you so upset?!"

_I ruined my one lover's life. Eddies in danger because of me. I cant believe my fucking leg hurts this much. Also, theres a homophobic clown mimic demon out there and It causes traumatic damage to the brain._

I basically told the Losers the parts of the story, mine and Eddie's that did not involve my sexuality, and they all listened carefully. At the end, Ben was the first to speak.

"I saw It in my dreams as a mummy. He strangled me with his wrappings. I could breathe after I woke up but there were red marks on my neck when I checked."

Then Bill told us what happened to him.

"I was looking at some of Guh-georgie's old pictures in his album when it came to life and tried to cut me. It almost worked, but this little slit m-m-made me think again. This th-th-thing doesn't want to just scare us. It wants to kill and eat us."

Then Mike hopped up in a frenzied state.

"Richie, where's Eddie then?! You said he's angry with you, but you let him go off on his own with It on the loose?!"

_Way to add to my shame and self-loathing, Mike. _

Stanley commented for the first time then.

"We should all stay in a group and go find him. Richie, before we do go to find him, I feel like you left something out of the story. You two fight, but never in the time I've known you have you worn his clothes in public."

Everyone looked at my clothes then, including myself, drawing too much attention to the shorts and t-shirt I borrowed from him. Bill looked over at Stanley after a moment.

"How did you k-k-know that they were his, St-st-stan?"

Stanley's words send a final blow to my heart, shattering it and bringing me to tears once again.

"I was over at Eddie's house one day to show him my newest bird-watching encyclopedia but there were clothes on his bed that he had to move. The shirt and shorts Richie's wearing were there too. I asked him why he had an outfit planned out because he was already wearing his normal attire. He laughed and said, "I'm keeping these old clothes for Richie. He comes over late a lot to spend the night and forgets to bring stuff. This is the 'bring your own clothes' outfit."

The Losers all saw me break down as Stanley finished. Bev was the first to get up and walked over to hug me. The others all followed suit, wrapping their arms around me as I whispered one small statement.

"Guys, I think I really messed our relationship up, but if I can't fix it, I don't think I can survive without him."

Their support increased with their arms wrapping around me tighter. Mike was the first to go ahead and question me about what they all must have been thinking then.

"Richie...do you love Eddie?"  
They all gave me space to breathe for a minute, but my tears kept flowing freely. They watched me take off my glasses and wipe away tears with Eddie's special shirt for me. I looked at each member of my friend group. Bill, the leader; Bev, the bravest girl I knew; Ben, the smart guy and coolest local historian; Mike, the most sincere dude in Derry; Stanley, the most not Jewish but actually Jewish kid who really liked birds, and then I just looked right at Mike.

_These losers are my family. They know what could happen if they exposed me in this town. They know what could happen if they told Eddie too. So, why not tell the losers that I'm gay? I mean, I love them all too, just in a different way for each of them. I already ruined my life once today, so if this goes badly, I'll just go find the clown._

"Yeah. I really do, Mike, I really fucking do."

Mike's simple smile spread across the group, which suddenly confused me.

"Wait, you guys already suspected it?!"

"It's really obvious, Richie. You basically cuddle in the hammock every other day and the banter between you guys has always screamed 'we are really into each other, but we won't admit it.'"

"Woah, now who said he likes me too, Bev? He clearly doesn't...he's not like me. Anyway, now that I said what I said, it doesn't matter anymore."  
"S-s-says who?"  
"Bill…"

"No. We are here for you, but you have to tell him, Richie. You have to make him see why you got so mad. You love him, so you didn't want to lose him. If that's how it is, then fight for him, before it's too late."

_He didn't stutter. George is what he meant in the end there. I see the uncontrolled sorrow in him when he mentions losing someone dear. He's right though, I can't let this be the end of us. I have to tell him the truth and apologize before anything bad can happen to either of us. For now, we have to find Eddie._

I stood up slowly from the pain in my leg increasing, but I stood tall regardless of the stinging. I nodded as determination to fix everything and prevent this damn town and life from stopping me from letting him know the truth.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

_I promise. He promises. He promised. He lied. He lies. I lie. We ignore it all. We get hurt. We cry and comfort each other. I cry. He leaves. He left. _

I walked without purpose or aim. Water ran through my soaked shoes at this point. I slowly trudged in the stream I had passed through earlier that day.

_With him. Without him. Just me. No worries. Just a wandering traveller. I'll see Paris. I'll visit China. Anywhere they don't know my name. Anywhere far from Derry and my mother and...from him._

I looked straight ahead, letting rocks catch my feet without much concern for a twisted ankle or broken leg.

_I can't hurt worse than now. I guess running away again is just like me. After all, I'm a little mouse. I'm good at what I do best: holing up and being scared. The bleeding boy and I are similar. We want the affection that the brave have. _

I had made my way out of the water and into the hill that led to an old bridge near a covered tunnel. I went over to the bridge and sat down. I saw an empty space near the tunnel where nobody had carved their initials into the wood.

_Ha. So damn funny that 'R & E' would fit perfectly here. But it never will be here. He showed me how much he cares for me. I could never have since this coming when we held each other last night. I fixed him and he fixed me only for him to tear me apart. _

I tilted my head back and closed my eyes, sitting on the road with my back to the bridge. That's when I heard something coming from inside the tunnel.

"Oh, one of the Losers all alone? The little scared one Wheezy is."

It was Henry Bowers. He stood there with his two lackeys and they watched me. The two who were on his sides seemed really confused when I stared blankly at them, tears continuing to pour down the sides of my face which were very red at this point. Henry didn't change his demeanor though.

"Did the Losers kick you out? Are you so pathetic and weird that even the outcasts casted you out? Or...did your boyfriend break up with you?"  
_Ha, Bowers actually knows how to tease people. Isn't that interesting? He can remember which ones of us are close, but he can't add nine and thirty-four without a calculator. _

"Yes."

Even Bowers was shocked to hear me answer in such a clear tone while looking him straight in the eyes.

"What did you say, momma's boy?"  
"I said 'yes', Bowers."  
Henry grabbed me by the shirt collars, but I didn't fight him, I only stared down into his malicious eyes.

_Go ahead, Bowers. I know you want to cream me or stab me or whatever you're feeling like doing today. Hell, break another inhaler of mine. But if you fucking dare to say what I think you want to._

His smile felt like pure evil, but it kind of comforted me in a way.

_At least I can see that I am the good guy in this story and he is the villain. My mother's smile doesn't scream obsessive. The bleeding monster's smile didn't scream deadly. Most of all, my reflected smile doesn't show useless and disgusting._

I gathered my emptiness up and pushed it aside for long enough to speak one powerful sentence.

"I'm not afraid of you, Henry. You're just as broken and weak as me."

"You're right. That's why I'm not gonna kill you this time. Vic, Belch, come help me with him. I have a plan for this one."  
They grabbed a rope and tied my arms behind my back. In most cases, they took my fanny pack, emptied it, and stepped on my inhaler. This time, Henry left it on me and made sure that my legs weren't tied too tight.

"I'm gonna lead you somewhere. You will walk and you will walk how I like or I'll have my dad arrest your mother for her illegal medicine collection that she has in her car. Start walking that way."

_No fucking clue how he learned of that one. Bowers is a nasty beast with some mystery to him. I don't actually feel scared for my mother, but I wonder where he could be taking me this time. The Quarry? He could push me off and drown me. The Barrens? Leave me to drown in that stream or throw rocks at me. He could shove me into traffic. He could take me to his house, shoot me, and bury me without anyone finding out other than us four. Who cares? Mice are common creatures that can be easily replaced. Richie doesn't care. The Losers have their own lives without me. They'll move on no problems. A hero's death at the villains hands is not what's happening now. I'm barely interesting enough to serve as a reason in the origin story of a hero emerging to face Henry's evil. _

I didn't realize that we were heading towards the Clubhouse until I passed Bev's secret cigarette tree that had a special hole in the bottom of it where she hid them from her abusive father.

"Alright, this is good. Stop moving."

I halted, which is when I heard movements.

_He's using me to get to them. He might need to think twice about that one. I can already hear Richie, "Eds is too scared to fight? Great, now we have to save his sorry, sickly ass. What a waste of our time trying to deal with real issues."_

The voices became clearer and clearer as they grew closer. The first person I heard was Beverly.

"So we will split into two groups. One checks south. The other is north. Okay?"

They agreed at different times. I could see them in the distance, which was when Bowers pulled out a knife. He placed it against my back and whispered into my ear.

"If you don't do what I want, I'll stab them all in their sleep."

I knew he had reached my weakest point, but I nodded carefully. I didn't plan on letting him know that I cared so much for them, even if I knew they didn't care for me.

They were still unaware of Bowers' gang and I for a few more seconds, but Ben saw us first.

"Guys, look! Bowers, Belch, and Vic have him."

They ran over, stopping a few feet away from where I was.

"Oh? The Losers want you back? I thought you said they didn't care?"  
I looked across their ranks. In the center, Richie was standing there. His eyes were red as mine must be. He looked into my eyes with such intense hate that I only managed to choke out my final plea to them.

"Guys, I'm fine. Go deal with It and I'll be okay. After all, he hasn't done anything yet."  
The others took out random tools and forest items and brandished them as if they were weapons. Ben had a large hammer which I recognized as his personal construction hammer that he usually kept in the Clubhouse. Bev had a bat that was Bill's. Bill had another bat identical to his other one. Mike had a board that we used to prop open the door to the Clubhouse. Stanley had no large weapons, only a rock he held in a way that was so uncharacteristic of him.

_Stanley was the one most like me, but now I see why they want him to remain and me to leave. He can be braver than I can, even if it is only in small bouts._

The sudden defiance only made Henry laugh and his two goons pull out their real knives. Henry's knife pierced through my shirt and into my skin a little as he turned me to face him. I felt the blood trickle slowly down my back as he looked with poisonous intent at me.

"Vic, Belch, leave. I'll meet you back at my place."  
They both looked completely floored as they turned to walk away, but they didn't question him once. A few tense seconds passed without any motions.

_They're only saving me because they don't like Bowers. Richie might try to apologize and say he cares after this, but I know it's not his true thoughts. He screamed those at me._

"Well, Eddie Kaspbrak, you told me yes earlier when I asked you what was wrong with you, so I'll fix your issues for you."  
_What, you're not gonna stab me in front of them? Wait. No. NO! NOOOO!_

As I tried to piece together Henry's strange words, he rotated me to face the Losers as he moved his lips closer and closer to mine. I struggled and screamed but the Losers couldn't figure out what was happening in time. Richie was the first to know what was happening.

"NOOO! EDDIE!"  
_YOU CAN'T, BOWERS! I WON'T LET YOU!_

I turned away, but it didn't matter. Richie slammed into Bowers, knocking him and the knife away from me in the last possible second. The other Losers had followed and they all beat Bowers mercilessly with their makeshift weaponry. I let my legs give out as I sat down in the leaves of the woods.

_I can't believe that I almost let that happen. I didn't fight. I didn't resist enough. I am not brave. He's strong, funny, and I need him to survive. I don't want to admit it to him or myself because of people like Bowers. They would make fun of us and then attack us when we are weakest. I have no idea why Bowers phrased it like he did, maybe to encourage their anger? Oh well, I'm useless either way. Why do I fucking exist…_

"Eddie!"

I was tuned in to my thoughts, but Richie was coming over to me. He came to lean down on his knees right in front of me. I didn't really want to, but I started sobbing right there. He threw himself forward, which I wasn't prepared for either. He was on top of me and we were laying in the woods. I thought I was sobbing in a strange way, but I realized that he was sobbing too. His tears were dropping down onto my cheeks from where he was propped up over me. His body was laying on mine.

_I know this is the time, but I have to. I have to be brave in this moment or I will never forgive myself. I almost lost him last night. I almost lost myself today. With the odds so set against us in this fucking town with a hellish creature and homophobic population, I can only promise now. Forget what he did, I want him with me every day. I want to kiss him at my free will. I want to grow up in each other's lives, move far away, and become successful. _

"Eddie, I love you!"

My tears ended suddenly. I looked right up into his eyes which continued to overflow with a stream of salty tears. He held back his emotions long enough to look back into my eyes.

"I know you probably don't feel the…"  
I grabbed him by the collar and pulled myself up into his lips. I felt his shock through his mouth. Then, he swooned and we landed back down on the forest floor. I put my hands up to his cheeks, wiped away his tears, and took in the way I felt. Our little infinite kiss ended when he ran out of air. We broke apart, faces inches apart.

"I love you too."

* * *

_He loves me too. I'm his and he's mine. We are together against the fucking clown and Bowers and the people of Derry who hate our kind. The others are on our side too. I can't imagine what would have happened if I hadn't told him. Something deep in me says I would have lost him. It makes me appreciate him more. _

I tightened my grip on his hand. We had gotten up from our passionate kiss to find that the other losers had made Bowers leave. They said they broke his nose, so he would probably inform everyone that the two of us were gay. Bill guessed he would try to attack us more frequently now. Without any other words, we started to move back towards the Clubhouse. Eddie had to help me because I had busted my stitches running at Bowers. We moved slow together, me leaving on him when I needed to. We made it back and everyone sat down in silence for a moment. Eddie was the first to speak, gripping my hand for support.

"Thank you, guys. I know I'm weak. I'm not brave. I'm a germaphobe and I'm selfish because I only act on my thoughts. You still saved me regardless. I can't tell you how much I love you all."

Bev got up and walked over. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. The others followed suit, me being the last to hop in. Mike explained how we all felt to him.

"You're not weak. You fought Bowers in a different way that any of us could. You're so brave. You went against your own fears to fix Richie's leg."

"You live with your mother, which is really fucking brave."

We all laughed from my stupid joke. As the chuckling died down, we all split apart from the hug. Eddie and I settled in the hammock next to each other.

"Oh, Richie! I have to fix your stitches!"

I hadn't realized it, but blood had already soaked all the way through the bandages he had applied the night before. I lifted the leg as my adrenaline crashed.

"Ah, fuck. That really hurts, Eds. I think it may be infected?"  
He got super serious like he had the night before. The others watched except for Stan who looked away. He took off the bandages to find that the string had broken apart completely and dark, thick blood was left in the wound. It smelled really horrid, which caused me to gag.

_Weak ass stomach! Hold it together. _

Eddie looked up at me slowly.

"This is just not okay, even if it's not infected. We have to take you to the hospital."

_Damn it. I didn't want to tell my parents._

"Alright then, I guess I've got to head home. Can you help me get there?"

"No."

Everyone looked amazed that Eddie was point-blank telling me he wouldn't help me. I was the most dumbfounded.

"Why?"  
"I'm taking you there. Straight to the hospital."  
"Woah, can you even go in the room with me? You aren't a blood family member."

"Trust me on this one, I can get into the local hospital with ease. Let's go. Did anyone ride a bike here today?"

All of the Losers nodded. Eddie turned to face Mike.

"Can I borrow yours, Mike? I wanna put Richie in the basket."

"Hold on now!"  
"Sure thing, Eddie. I'll follow you there with Bill. The rest of us will leave after you get there. Does anyone need to cover you with your mother?"

"Nah, let her stress out, I don't care."

I looked at Eddie in complete disbelief.

_I tell you I love you then you reveal you love me too. Now, you're bossing me around without even considering my thoughts on the matter?!_

"Richie, I think I can help get you into the basket, but I can't climb the ladder with you. Can you manage if I spot beneath you?"

_He's serious? I can't lie, I am extremely impressed by and in love with this guy. _

"I think I can handle it, Eddie-spaghetti."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Richie and I have been together since the day in the woods. The Losers came together to beat the clown senseless a month after that. Bill knew that he was dead, so he made us promise to come back. I knew I would promise and so did Richie. We left the circle of our closest friends that day together. We held our bloodied hands and smiled. We had the best friends in the world and we were brave, separate and together.

We came out to our parents. Richie's parents didn't take it badly, but they didn't instantly accept me as his lover either. My mother didn't take it at all. She instantly spoke badly of Richie and of being gay. He was next to me when I told her, so I simply informed her I would go pack my things and move out. She insisted I was being stupid since I was always sick and needed her guidance. It was hard, but I told her she was the only sick one. I took only some clothes, my journal, and my inhaler. I grabbed Richie's hand as we walked out the front door to the house I grew up in.

Richie's family took me in without questioning too much. My mother constantly tried to convince me to return, but I never let her words actually affect me. We turned eighteen and graduated before we knew it. The only person that stayed in Derry was Mike, who we wished a heartfelt goodbye the day we left. As soon as we got to New York City, Richie signed up for a stand-up slot in a large club. He was an instant success. I became his manager and we travelled around the country together as he grew more and more famous. My mother kept getting his woman named Myra to call me and beg me to date her. I eventually blocked Myra's number and my mother's from my phone and Richie's, as well as from my life.

We were happier as a couple every day, which was a miracle because we spent them all together and were constantly joking really harshly. Everything got really stressful as he toured his comedic skill in Europe, but we ended up having a great time. I even got to see Paris with him by my side. We got kicked out of a bakery because he asked the waitress if he could have the longest baguette to use to beat me. I was a little angry, but I laughed as we ran out of the shop in a hurry.

Richie proposed to me on stage in Los Angeles. It was his last stand-up special for the year and he had joked about his partner acting like a complete wife. He ended the show by calling me up and telling the entire audience that it turns out that the joke was halfway true; he was gonna marry me, but I wouldn't be a wife since I was, well, a guy. We got married on April 24, 2001. It wasn't a huge ceremony, we went to the courthouse, got a certificate signed, and ate a cake we ordered online. It was perfect for us, including our...activities...that we enjoyed that night. Life continued for us as if nothing bad could happen ever because we had each other.

Or at least, it did until Mike called us from Derry. It had been twenty-seven years since we had made the blood oath but Richie and I felt the slit we had made on our hand burn in recognition of what we had to do. Richie threw up in the bathroom while I paced outside in a state of nervous wreck. We went back together that night. I almost crashed our expensive car because I was mortified. We made it in to Derry the next afternoon. Mike welcomed us into a Chinese restaurant where we reunited with friends we had both remembered but lacked memories with. The only person who didn't come was Stanley. We learned he had died from Mike. Questions were asked, answers were given, but we all got to know each other again most of all. The others were completely amazed to see that Richie and I were married. They were really excited for us though. The pleasantries ended when our Chinese cookies attacked us. Mike had to inform us that we could die if we fought. Richie's hands sweated before big shows, but as we left the restaurant together, I almost slipped out of his grasp because he was that scared. We reached the inn that Mike had booked us in. We were going to leave originally after a night's rest, but Bill informed us that Mike had already shown him a great plan to kill it. Bev then let us know she dreamed of us and was positive we would die if we didn't fight Pennywise.

Mike let us know that we had to find a token to burn for the Ritual of Chud, which would kill It's deadlights using an artifact he stole from some locals. Richie and I had to split up, which made us more anxious than we had ever been before. My mother and a leper that had haunted my childhood trauma with It were defeated as I got my old spare inhaler that I had left behind in the pharmacy basement after finally realizing my mother wasn't an acceptable parent. Richie found an old t-shirt. It was the same one I had lent him after patching him up in my room. The others found their tokens, including Stanley's showercap, and we went to end what we had started.

The ritual didn't work. Mike hadn't told anyone of how the locals had died trying this hundreds of years ago. It chased us, made us all face fears as little groups or individuals, and then something crazy happened. I still can't explain to this day how I knew but I knew Richie was going to be in danger. Mike had been grabbed by Pennywise and was about to enter the deadlights when Richie distracted it using foul language and rocks. I didn't have control of my body, but I shoved Richie out of the way just in time before Pennywise's deadlights flashed where he was a moment before. I realized It was trying to tear us apart by breaking us down, so I screamed to the others to insult and belittle It. We all started calling It was it really was: a mimic, a foolish clown, a pathetic sick guy, an ugly old hag, and a scared child with a beating heart. Bill ripped out It's heart as It pleaded with us to spare it to game fame, fortune, and freedom. We all squeezed the heart until it burst. The deadlights went dim and everything was still for a moment as Pennywise disappeared into the sky.

Then all hell broke loose. We ran for our lives as the house on Neibolt Street fell into itself. I saw a vision of Richie screaming, sobbing, and reaching for the building being held back by the others. I knew it wasn't happening because we were holding each other close at that moment, but it felt very real.

At the Quarry, we all repeated the hop off the cliff we had done in the past, with me and Richie jumping together while holding hands like we had back then. Everything felt okay then. Ben and Beverly had found each other's secret love, which made me nostalgic. Bill rewrote the end of his book before leaving and called his wife to tell her he loved her and appreciated her for trusting him to solve the problems there and return home safely, which is when she told him that she was somehow pregnant (it was definitely Bill's child based on timing). We all congratulated a stunned Bill as he cried tears of joy. Mike informed everyone he would leave with us finally go to Florida. Everyone made good plans to live their lives to the fullest.

Richie and I decided to take a break from working and focus on ourselves and our relationship. We all left Derry on the same day, heading off to seek our dreams. I turned to Richie that day and said, "I have never loved someone as much as I love you, and I need you to know that I am never going to leave you, no matter how many times I want to punch you for your stupid jokes, Richie 'Trashmouth' Tozier." He turned to me as he drove us out of Derry towards our home in New York and said, "Eddie Kaspbrak, I am so thankful that you have always loved me as faithfully and as strongly as I have loved you and I want you to know that I will never tell you that you are bad at breathing again."

The smile I gave him that day hasn't left my face for long since then. It's only been three years since we killed Pennywise, but it feels like it's been forever. We adopted two children the year after we killed Pennywise, a beautiful daughter who and a brilliant son. They were the first faces we saw when we visited an orphanage near us. They are now both twelve and growing up way too fast. We constantly shower them in love and do our best to raise them to be good people. Richie teaches them stupid jokes and talks about his old routines while I make them all kinds of treats and tell them about Derry. My two kids don't know about the clown, Bowers, or their grandmother. They just know Derry is where home will always be for me and Richie. We plan on taking them there to see it one day.

I wonder everyday about those strange premonitions I had during the final fight with Pennywise and on the day we confessed to each other. I never told Richie, because he would worry about me too much. It shouldn't bother me much, but the idea that we didn't do the right things to end up together now makes me truly love him and our children just for existing with me more than they could ever know. I wrote it down in our will we made recently that I want the kids to have this diary I've kept. I know that this stupid thing shouldn't be what I worried about but I wanted them to know about little event I wrote down in here. I started the diary the year I confessed to Richie, it wasn't touched until I ran away from my mother, and then I only started writing in important dates with the event that happened that day. I put the first fight with Pennywise, the graduation day for me, Richie, and Mike, the day he proposed to me, the day we got married, and the day we killed Pennywise. I still have no idea how I could have lost this and found it only after It was dead, but it seemed like that was because I forgot about it, just like we all had when we had returned to Derry for our promise to kill It.

Richie has no idea I kept this old shitty diary and went back to fill in all the biggest dates in our lives, but I'll let him know sooner or later. If he would actually read our will completely, he would see that had our attorney add in the diary. For now, I think I'll go back to watching him sleep as I drink the coffee I was going to bring him in bed. I think this will be the last time I write a large passage here, so I have to say, I love Richie so much. I love my kids. I am so thankful for everything I've got in this world and I hope that if you manage to read this, you see that as years have passed by and insane things have happened to us, love can always hold people together. In the face of adversity, fear, and death, stand with your loved ones. Ah, he's waking up, so this is goodbye, little book! I know you'll survive because you're made of me and all I can say is: I'm here and I will remain here in your pages with my family, loving and thanking the universe for my life.

Eddie Kaspbrak-Tozier.


End file.
